BK 1991

I saw an Iroc yesterday in the grocery store parking lot.

In orangey-dull red, it looked like it could have been around since high school. The cherry paint had faded with too many summer and winter days, the gloss was a dull memory and there were primer grey rebuilt fenders. Yet it brought me right back to high school- Bradly, Missy, and Brian, plus many others who live on in my teen-hood. I didn't get to think about them much because my current life took over with all the adult responsibilities that push and prod around to gain attention.  I went to bed tired from a day of mom-ing.

Today reading some short stories in class today from my sophomore year stirred up the past again- many memories. Then I started listening to 80s hair bands. - might have been a mistake for it stirred up strong memories of them again.

My heart squeezed and my breath was a little short from the sweet poignant memories-Thoughts of riding around, doing nothing and everything on a Friday night, trying not to get caught by my dad wisped around with slips of 1/2 of a thought grabbing my attention.

With each song played, a ghostly memory drifted by, barely tangible, a little out of reach for a proper trip down memory lane.  I really wish I could go through the stones of time and re-watch the good parts of that time. I would tell that girl that was me to live freer.

Here's to you 1991- I won't forget you babe, you sweet child of mine. You were a crazy train while you lasted. wish I still had parts of you.

Feeling loss for a friend

Tonight as I got home from a long drive from Prescott, I read some very sad news. At first, I thought it was one of those posts that if you comment, you have to do something stupid or embarrassing. I thought how sick to use a death to play a prank. 

I scanned various posts until the last one convinced me that it was real. A old acquaintance had lost her husband. He was so young. I felt they had not had enough years together. I worried for her. I cried for her loss and what it might feel like to lose a spouse.

That small voice reminded me that death isn't the end.

 That in many ways they will be closer than if there were in flesh and blood. All the difficulties that life causes will no longer be in their way. Naturally, my thoughts turned to my hubby. There are days when we rub the wrong way and misunderstand one another, Others we use tones that sound harsher than intended. Many times we don't apologize for the little hurts and maybe he is glad when he is gone or busy to get away from the frustrations we cause each other.

As I searched through articles from the Ensign, some of the things it said to help and  prepare are the things I think I have gotten off track:

Express your feelings and let them know how you feel. Another is to have a support system and prepared for life handling affairs alone. Some of this I can do, some I don't know. I think I have let my support system fad as I have trusted that hubs would be around forever and he is so good at everything that he is all I need.

Yet we do struggle and are not always a natural match made in heaven. It doesn't mean I don't love him with all my heart and would be at such a lonely loss if he was gone, but it does mean that I am more unsure of what would happen if he was gone.  He is so talented and yet particular in so many ways that I wonder how he would react if he were free from the earthly tether.

If or When this event falls to my lot to handle, I hope and pray that I can have 2 things 1. peace that surpasses understanding and 2. the spiritual connection that bridges beyond the veil. 

I came home early from Prescott, he stayed behind to finish roping.

 I pray that he is safe and at peace.

Have the Right to have protection from the Lord

This week I am leading a lesson in church on the organization, duties, responsibilities of the governing of the gospel.

 This lesson is so meaningful to me because of the race, relation, and struggles our country has now. We bicker back and forth over who can do, say, have, and think what. It is out of control with right being wrong and wrong as right. The voices of reason can't be heard of the cacophony of the many voices who hate. The Lord's church runs so much on common consent, equal voice and reason, that even when voices crop up who disagree, there is always an answer.

Because the temporal organization is formally lead by the Priesthood, many may see it as a dreary lesson on what the definition of the priesthood is an maybe why women need to obey or get the short end of the stick on a say  in the church. In the recent past and probably still today without as much fan fare, are women who this is a sore subject.

I have enough on my plate to want more with the priesthood, if I did take that on, it isn't like anyone around my house would take up the slack. So no thank you, dudes you can keep your "power" I will stay the boss at my house

Studying some talks on this subject is what really gave me the deeper insights on my job, rights, duties, and how I am protected. I love the idea that it is my right to have the protection and blessings from the Lord. It is my right as HIS to have theses things. That the blessings He promises will not be taken from me, he wont break the contract with me. I could by my behavior, but they are mine as long as I am humble, seek him to do his will.

There is a lot of comfort in knowing that blessings are rights. In an age when so many are concerned with what are their rights, and how they are being taken away, that the Lord offers us ones that can be taken, only given away.

It's gunna be so hard to get up she says

As we close out our summer on school day eve, we did the final hurrah of summer ness: watching city slickers, eating taco salad and prayers for the new year. Each of us were named and prayed over within our specific needs, shortcomings, and strengths. They were very personal ideas and beautiful. I jotted down words and phrases that were mentioned. I hope to be able to remind my kids of their tag lines as life gets hard or as a personal motto this year.

Me: listen to promptings

Ken: defender of the weak; dominate force

Wes: Leader of men

Kels fearless

may we live up and remember these mottos. I should make family t-shirts.

bandwagon of ward boundaries

No matter what My opinion of the SJ stake ward boundary changes are, it will never directly affect us as we are the end corner boundary of the stake and will be in this ward for the end of time. 

 They would have to checkerboard the boundaries to ever change us.

 However, I was surprised to count how many households who make up our ward who: never come, have not come in years, or who don't live in SJ anymore.  I don't know what that says about my ward, or what that says about them. 

I can't even guess with any evidence and will keep my opinions about it under wraps as I probably don't know enough anyway.

All I can say is we don't have to be early anymore to get a seat.

Heck, we can sprawl out over a middle row if we wanted.

the other prodigal son, $700, and some cream

I ran to the talks of Elder Holland this week, one  entitled "The Other Prodigal Son". This plus ass lesson #24, really hit me and put to words to a feeling that I have had for 8 years.

 I have felt unwanted/needed and didn't even realize that I  have seen this as "truth" and believed this as truth, but really it is Satan's way to work on me.

I think it is his go to tool to get me and it is my go to tool to beat myself up with.

 Thomas B Marsh's situation was his wife and her friend over cream was the last straw for him of how the members of the Church were thinking, and acting while in Davies county.

 He couldn't deal with the members' way of seeing things, and so with the escalation of who was cheating a pint of cream from the other, they pulled away. 

There for the grace of God go I. I hope I never had my moment of cream fight where I pull away from the continuing influence of Christ and the gospel. 

Why on a Sarturday

3:55 that is what time my eyes opened this morning. I got in late from training, still felt bad about K1 having to walk home from practice, and a little worried that the chickies fared for the day. K1 didn't choose to figure out how to vid chat or even regular chat.

Laid in bed an surfed, waiting to see if K2 would get up for her trip with the Cherios.

she didn't

She also didn't put away groceries or even get her sister on the bus.

I am tired of that kind of behavior. very very tired.

and her dirty room.

 I think I will clean it myself and check on her. I have been feeling uneasy about who she is with and how long she is gone. Also my ipod is missing and my child NOBODY has it.

I wonder if the apron strings are feeling too loose or it is the spirit telling me to check more.

Need to ponder that on the road.
Was going to run but i sit here at 10 finally figuring out my blog, the vid chat, the regular chat, and freezing b/c it feels like Nov.

                           I just heard it thunder. Is that the excuse not to run today>

 I am sitting in my running clothes.