I got a taste and that was more than enough

Father's day.

Scott worked nights this week and he did Father's day eve.So we let him sleep.  Alone-in quiet.

 I pondered not going to sacrament meeting today without him, but we did. Alone-again.

We sat somewhere different and I swear the family behind us talked about us. Being sensitive to the day, I didn't know if it was because we "stole" a pew or because our dad wasn't with us. Nevertheless, services started out ok, with a talk on food storage. Surprised, but I was grateful a bit. The kids don't usually pay deep attention to the talks, so I was just happy for me. Then without my notice. the primary kids congregated. At first I couldn't figure out why Wes was crawling over me.

Oh no here we go, I thought.

It was and wasn't as bad as I thought. My kids were unsure who to sing to. Wes' eyes were shiny in the light. I thought he might be upset  because Scott wasn't there. Kelsey was clueless. She was in her own world in her purple floaty dress and loves the singing leader so much that she was looking at her all the time with little angel eyes.  Kennedy was enjoying not having to sing-smirking at Wes' pain. I felt a burn come on in my throat as I watched them sing for no purpose. Wes finally decided to sing and look at me. I thought we shared a moment of knowing, but women are so much more complicated, that it probably was all in my head.

At the end of services the dads were asked to stick around, it was awkward for us, sitting/standing there with a delay too waiting for nothing. But feeling that if we left we would be rude. No one talked to us or asked us about Scott. It was awkward. During the delay, Kennedys' YW leader asked her to help and a bit later I had Wes help too. It helped the awkwardness of having no purpose to sit there.

I drifted away down the hall, grateful that Scott was only in bed and not gone. IT would take some strength to maneuver that situation each year with grace- grace I don't have currently.
Then I read a post with this scripture: "“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” -Psalms 68:5. 

we are not fatherless, yet I believe God takes care of us when Scott can't. I should have remembered this before church to help wes. Wes was singing to a father, his Father in Heaven.  I should go see my dad's grave and have a chat today.

Colder than a Can of Worms

IT is 1 degree! 1!! I hate the cold, a lot. It could never be cold again and I would be happy. Not really happy but content. I remember living in Mesa and sometime around September the green would just look wrong and tired, like it needed winter.

I guess I need winter too. It makes me appreciate Summer that much more. Which then makes me think that I am grateful for so many things: like family who are close and our relative health ( I know, ha, we all have gotten out of the hospital) but we are not terminal. I am grateful for our good jobs in this time of recession and I truly feel for those who don't have good jobs.

I know I opened up a can of worms a family issue that I should have kept pent up. I should be more Christlike.

And maybe, just maybe after I get out of church today I will edit it or get rid of it all together because

WWJD....

Not spend days blogging that is for sure.