BK 1991

I saw an Iroc yesterday in the grocery store parking lot.

In orangey-dull red, it looked like it could have been around since high school. The cherry paint had faded with too many summer and winter days, the gloss was a dull memory and there were primer grey rebuilt fenders. Yet it brought me right back to high school- Bradly, Missy, and Brian, plus many others who live on in my teen-hood. I didn't get to think about them much because my current life took over with all the adult responsibilities that push and prod around to gain attention.  I went to bed tired from a day of mom-ing.

Today reading some short stories in class today from my sophomore year stirred up the past again- many memories. Then I started listening to 80s hair bands. - might have been a mistake for it stirred up strong memories of them again.

My heart squeezed and my breath was a little short from the sweet poignant memories-Thoughts of riding around, doing nothing and everything on a Friday night, trying not to get caught by my dad wisped around with slips of 1/2 of a thought grabbing my attention.

With each song played, a ghostly memory drifted by, barely tangible, a little out of reach for a proper trip down memory lane.  I really wish I could go through the stones of time and re-watch the good parts of that time. I would tell that girl that was me to live freer.

Here's to you 1991- I won't forget you babe, you sweet child of mine. You were a crazy train while you lasted. wish I still had parts of you.

Feeling loss for a friend

Tonight as I got home from a long drive from Prescott, I read some very sad news. At first, I thought it was one of those posts that if you comment, you have to do something stupid or embarrassing. I thought how sick to use a death to play a prank. 

I scanned various posts until the last one convinced me that it was real. A old acquaintance had lost her husband. He was so young. I felt they had not had enough years together. I worried for her. I cried for her loss and what it might feel like to lose a spouse.

That small voice reminded me that death isn't the end.

 That in many ways they will be closer than if there were in flesh and blood. All the difficulties that life causes will no longer be in their way. Naturally, my thoughts turned to my hubby. There are days when we rub the wrong way and misunderstand one another, Others we use tones that sound harsher than intended. Many times we don't apologize for the little hurts and maybe he is glad when he is gone or busy to get away from the frustrations we cause each other.

As I searched through articles from the Ensign, some of the things it said to help and  prepare are the things I think I have gotten off track:

Express your feelings and let them know how you feel. Another is to have a support system and prepared for life handling affairs alone. Some of this I can do, some I don't know. I think I have let my support system fad as I have trusted that hubs would be around forever and he is so good at everything that he is all I need.

Yet we do struggle and are not always a natural match made in heaven. It doesn't mean I don't love him with all my heart and would be at such a lonely loss if he was gone, but it does mean that I am more unsure of what would happen if he was gone.  He is so talented and yet particular in so many ways that I wonder how he would react if he were free from the earthly tether.

If or When this event falls to my lot to handle, I hope and pray that I can have 2 things 1. peace that surpasses understanding and 2. the spiritual connection that bridges beyond the veil. 

I came home early from Prescott, he stayed behind to finish roping.

 I pray that he is safe and at peace.