IDIOT...

I threw away evidence last night.

Sounds much more intriguing that it really is. I had been mad at Scott some time back over who he talks to and how much, (cause I am the worlds worst Sophie and I printed off his call record. I didn't ever look at it, but kept it around as one of those things you mean to get rid of and you don't. As I was helping my daughter clean her room, I noticed that she had those papers-probably to color on the backs, and I threw them away in the bathroom trash.

Scott took a shower that night.

He wouldn't talk to me until I finally drug it out of him.

I don't know how to apologise to him in such a way to let him know that I am sorry he found them and not because he caught me but because I am over that now and it doesn't matter to me. I am sorry I hurt him because he has been so awesome to me lately that my issue of checking up on him has gone away. I haven't even thought about it for over a month.

I have ruined all the progress we have made.

Now before anyone thinks that I should just say that, I must say that Scott has been hurt like this all his life. I am part of that pattern. A simple I am sorry won't work.

Why do things like this alway happen to us just as things start to be really really awesome between us? I must be subcontentiously sabatoging us.

IDIOT