My boy weezy

I got a call yesterday at work by the middle school principal.

"Hello" I said in a chipper voice, it does better to be nice if your kid is in trouble.

"Hello, this is Mr. B, Before I say anything I want you to know that Wes is all right."

Life never is good when people tell you THAT before the details. I thought maybe he got into a fight and was hurt or jumped off the school roof after a ball.
These two things he has done before and I guess he never been caught.

"Oh, dear, what happened" My heart took a dip and I tried not to get choked up.

Mr Burgoyne proceeded to tell me that while Wes was playing at recess. He was breathing in and blowing out while having a zip whistle in his mouth. Wes was was walking around by the fence doing this over and over. One breath in too hard caused the whistle to get lodged in his throat.   But he was ok by the time I was called. I laughed a little- It is funny, but I got sick too.

Wes told me later that He could breath a bit but whistled each time. He panicked and started coughing and threw up a bit. I worried that he could breathed it back in because the force of the throw up being blocked by the whistle.  A little friend ran to get a teacher and that teacher on duty sent out a mayday to various places for help.  Many teachers ran back to help him.  He thought it only took 2 minutes, but I bet it took longer. They helped him to the office - it was still stuck. His classroom teacher was hitting him on the back and  he coughed over and over; it finally flew out.

The office  had him lie down for a while and he was given water and candy for his throat.   After a bit, he then decided to go back to class.  IMr. Raben said they tried to give him the Heimlich but he wheezed every time they pushed on his stomach.  He said only later did they laugh at the sound. I think his new name is wheezy.

What would you do in her shoes

From time to time I read Stephanie Nielson's blog. Sometimes I think she is full of herself-like we all are, sometimes I think it is for show-like we all are but every time I stare along time at her pictures, both before and after. I try to imagine what is is like to be her, to have lived through the ugly and the pain, why she sued my town for her accident, what the back story to this was and how she sees herself now.
I think I do this because I struggle with the way I look. Sad to say, there are times when I am doing my day, but in the back of my mind I an worrying about the thoughts of others and if my failings my looks are distracting others causing them to judge me rather than listen and learn from me. These thoughts run like a low hum through all I do all day every day. They control some, much of what I will and wont do.
I wonder how she travels on with her looks, how they affect her day, her family , her life. I don't understand why she does some of the things she does, I don't agree either, but I do understand if she is trying to find the beauty and acceptance in her new face, body, and life. No matter what decisions she makes. I keep coming back to watch how and try not to judge. It is hard to be yourself no matter what self it is.

Need to print and hang above my night stand

Sauerkraut and Missionary work

When I was young, living in Texas with my parents, i have a vague memory of my mom making sauerkraut. My memory is really limited but I do remember all of us kids making a big fuss. She had this crock and food, and I remember thinking what she made was horrid. I have since linked it with the experience of my grandmother staying with us and making liver and onions. Both meals were awful. TO this day I have never eating liver and onions. I almost could say the same about sauerkraut. Yet a few Thursdays ago when we were grocery shopping and Kennedy was at dance, I was so hungry I had a headache. I stopped in at Arbys. I got a ruben on rye, in the middle was sauerkraut. The sandwich was the best experience from fast food that I had in a long long time. I groaned with pleasure at every bite.it was embarrassing, so I was glad I was in the car alone. I hoped the waiting parents in the next car couldn't hear me. but it was dark so maybe they can't recognize me.
I know that fast food places dumb down condiments and flavors: the spicy chicken at McD's is not so spicy, the salsa at sonic is chunky ketchup, the sauerkraut at arbys is not so strong. I usually mock the other fast food places for their bland flavors, yet now I realize how some feel about the spicy other places.

Missionary work for me is like sauerkraut. I'm sure Brother Uckdorf can really handle some strong sauerkraut and loves it. Me- not so much. Not that the canned is good, but bland fresh would probably work for me. We are really focusing on missionary work in our stake this year and I feel it is like strong sauerkraut. I can't hardly take it. I feel already burned out and pushed to my limit of sharing the gospel with others. I feel a clash in what I have always believed: that there are many paths back to Jesus, and some need to hear the good words of others, not just LDS to find that path. Like different sauerkraut recipes What would the world be like of all good works and good people were only LDS?  Don't some people out there need "bland sauerkraut" when it comes to the gospel to learn to love and want the stronger version?  I have been told many times this month that if we really feel we had the good news we would be so anxious for others to have it too. As if anything they currently  believe is not good news. Yes I do believe we have the only correct ordinances and authority to get us through the gates of Heaven.  (had a inactive friend ask me how do I know that we have the correct priesthood, and besides faith, I didn't have an answer and want to find one)** and did later to my own satisfaction and strengthening of my own beliefs.
Those who are talking of missionary work at every breath come off to me like there is no other way but to baptize them all NOW. I have never felt like this before with any other church idea. I usually find my spot, how much I can give and feel good about it too.   While I believe and am told to carefully pray about who could benefit from my particular "recipe", I feel at the same time that I am being told that should included someone else s ideas.  I feel guilty for not calling myself on a mission, for not giving 70 hours a week like a Jehovah's witness is ( I know i am exaggerating for a giggle)  I am so focused on incidences like my student teacher being asked by the missionaries to give them names of all of us at the school he worked with so they could contact us.  He told me they were really really persistent. 1. the missionaries should know our small town so well that they knew the school better, and 2. that is so inappropriate to ask for contact information from him on a professional level when he has not gotten to know any of us personally.  Or when a sunday school teacher felt the need to take up 30 minutes talking about her current plan of promoting missionary work more in her life.
I really don't know what to do; I have tried to talk to my people around me and they are not struggling and can't bridge the gap to help me find my place. I don't feel my testimony shaken, nor do I want to quit going to church. I just don't think this is the WAY for me, and I can't find one nor can I ignore it.... ***at a loss ***
I heard a story about someone praying for a year over a particular problem before she got an answer; it wasn't the one she was looking for and it took a long time.
Hopefully as I keep working on this I will find my place my way and my recipe.

harness the power of the peanut

I am sorry is a small but simple word. why people and I really mean teens can't harness the power of that word is beyond my grasp. As I sit scratching my head like a baboon over this word and what it means, I can't help but remits over and over the situation that makes my head itch-a two handed,10 nail head scratcher. a younger person that I encounter every day seems to think "I'm sorry" should cure all that he has done wrong. I think this week I have heard it a millions times. it seems as if he can't get the words out fast enough so he can do another thing wrong, free of guilt and worry. I am his priest and he just waits for 15 Hail Marys and 10 our fathers from me. grahhh, I am not sure I can take it much longer. the irritation that rise in me when I hear him say this over and over will take me over soon. or at least cause me to me to be bald. what what I do next? wear my irritated baldness like a badge or wear a solid wig so I could scratch more in frustration at this young man, free from the worry of creating the grand canyon in my skull.

I had enough this week of fake I'm sorry and so I  blurted out" just stop, you need to find another word. I am sorry is wrong when you don't mean it and it makes me mad. it is insulting"

He smiled  a sheepish crooked grin that gripped  my stomach in a tight fist. I could feel the lid of patience pop off - mentos in diet coke, ready to spew a mile high. people have said they couldn't teach, days like this. I question why I do it too on days like this.

 " My bad Mrs. Scarbrough"
I wanted to laugh and cry. so I snorted at him and turns away.

 sigh, it doesn't change much, but that is better than a fake I am sorry...

Origins of the Priesthood

I was at a friend's house the other day and we were talking about Jesus. I could tell sh had a long way to go before she came back to our church and she was searching in a lot of places for her testimony and relationship with Jesus. Her study is focused on the bible and books from random people who have thoughts on the subject. I think she wanted me to agree with their words; and they  weren't wrong, they just didn't have the total package. However, I could tell she needed to start from ground 0, even though she had been raised in the church, she never got the good news of the gospel and so many of her thoughts were twisted and her testimony of Christ was non existent.

One thing we talked about was that every religion believed that they had the true priesthood. This got me to thinking was there a way I could trace the authority of the priesthood through the ages. I think I did after a few days of looking.  I was going to write her a letter, but I don't know how in that it may be too deep for her and not what she is looking for right now anyway.
As the Prophet Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon, he found mention of baptism for the remission of sins. On May 15, 1829, he and his scribe Oliver Cowdery went into the woods to inquire of the Lord concerning baptism. As they prayed, “a messenger from heaven descended in a cloud of light.” This messenger was John the Baptist, the prophet who had baptized Jesus Christ centuries earlier. John the Baptist, now a resurrected being, laid his hands on Joseph and on Oliver and conferred upon each of them the Aaronic Priesthood, which had been taken from the earth during the Great Apostasy. With this authority, Joseph and Oliver were able to baptize one another. (See Joseph Smith—History 1:68-72.), 

Now I knew how the priesthood got to this time after being off the earth for so long, but I wated to trace it back as far as I could. I searched more.  Later in JSH and in DC they tell of Peter, James, and John giving them more keys to the priesthood. I wanted to know where they got it so I went to the new testament. PJ &J were given the priesthood  by Jesus directly right before the end of his ministry. Peter, James and John were translated in the same set of passages. Later those men gave it to Joesph smith and oliver cowdry

How did Christ get the priesthood?
The keys of the priesthood are the right to preside and direct the affairs of the Church within a jurisdiction. Jesus Christ holds all the keys of the priesthood pertaining to His Church. He has conferred upon each of His Apostles all the keys that pertain to the kingdom of God on earth. The senior living Apostle, the President of the Church, is the only person on earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys.

In the old testament in Numbers it records the lord giving special duties to the Levites and the Aaronites. They were also held to different standards and punishments. 
he also called someone to be a prophet to lead and guide his people as in Amos 3:7 During Old Testament times, God followed this pattern by appointing prophets such as Adam, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, and Moses to establish His Church among the people. As part of this pattern, the prophets gave priesthood authority to additional worthy men as priests and teachers to help in the Church.
Exodus28-29, Hebrews, and Article faith 1: 5 all tell how a man is called to the priesthood. I found a seminary lesson that teachers about it.

Missionary Mania

Our stake is on the missionary push. As a teacher, you wouldn't think I was shy, but inside, I am. It seems also impossible that I could be because I am loud and opinionated. But, see the things I am loud about, are not things about ME, the me that keeps private about the serious, personal stuff.

ONe of my personal things is my belief-I really feel like we are pushing our religion on everyone around: members, inactive, non, the dog the cat, whoever we can lay hands on. I have this mental picture of big smiles, off beat outfits, singing, and clasped hands. Maybe a cross between sound of music and the brady bunch band.

If we're happy, we should want to share what makes up happy with the world. However, being from the mission field, I know that people are in different progress stages and the big push seems like we are discrediting all the good others do in the the name of Christ because it isn't also done in the name of TCoJCoLDS.  I felel we are discrediting other's journey because they are not currently including LDS as part of their journey. Who am I to say that the ministry of sister Teresa was not quite what the lord wanted just because she was not LDS. I know she was amazing, but there are everyday people who are help so many out there and they are not LDS. I don't know how to reconcile myself with  y perception of the hardcore push with my belief that good people are guided were they are supposed to be LDS or not.
I see others and I think that I am not on fire for God, nor do I feel sad for others who don't believe the same way I do.
I feel guilty, shame, anger, and I am tired of the push. Even when I hear those who give the non aggressive method of missionary work, I still feel I am not doing enough. I am thinking about not going to stake conference because my view of it will be a 2 day training of how to be a better member missionary. I am so not up for that, yet I don't want to stay away. I am not about to go rouge, my core testimony is not weak.
Yesterday in class one of my LDS students was complaining that she was asked to do yet another thing for stake conference and she was feeling overwhelmed. I got really made for her. Didn't those who asked her know she was all readying speaking, her personal life was a mess, and she has a lot going on at school? I wondered why they would push her to the edge like that. It seemed so inconsiderate. She wouldn't say no, because she was taught not to. This got me to thinking that girls don't have enough practice saying no, and that gets them in trouble in the dating world. I told her that she had the right to ask if they knew her schedule and to pray about it before saying yes.  She sighed and wouldn't agree with me.