like a pink icicle

When I was in about 7th grade, I had pretty much finished growing. although now I would kill for the size I was; then I thougth I was a giant. Bigger than most all other classmates, I stood out.I remember being weighed in 7th grade and my weight was said out loud, 120. The heavest in the room. I am sure my large and in charge teacher would have killed for 120, I would now. So,  It was about this time I got a new coat from my grandmother Butler. It was pink and white. It was a horror to keep clean, which is how she rolled. "beautiful" yet inappropriate things for her grandchildren. Now I see that she came from a different time; a place where maids and others took care of the small details. why not have things that are hard to keep up? Someone will take care of it. I am sure I looked like and "angel" in it; if angel was every synonymous with giant pink and white girraffee.  Then I saw this ugly pink and white coat. it was puffy, and long, and it stood out.I hate puffy sleeves. I hated long coats too.  For a kid who felt like she stood out for some many other things: being Mormon, being tall, being poor, having parents who were educated, living, we lived in the Concho of New Boston, Texas,  we had a big family (for the area)... you name it.  That coat was just an example of all the things i was trying to do to fit in.
 I am sure some of those feelings were real, and some were exaggereated as all growing teens do to themseves. But that coat, Oh I hated it so badly badly. I tried everthing to wear it out, to break it, to ruin it, to make it go away. I don't remember ever having another coat: we were broke and you don't get a new anything until the other was worn out, and I had stopped growing so why get a new coat.
I don't have pictures of another coat.So I can't prove I was deprived, nor can my mom prove I am exaggerating. Yet,  I do remember finding a red wool plaid  Mom made while she was in college. i was a freshman at BYU and still had the pink coat. 4-6 years later! The red one was not a perfect match,  It was not fit for me as I am wider in the shoulders and arms than she was, but I was willing to wear that coat instead of the pink nightmare.

 Somewhere in college, maybe still at BYU, maybe at NAU, I finally got the green coat. I don't love it now, but still own it and like it better than the pink icing.
Maybe the pink coat is the reasons why I own so many now: the green, the black long church, the US Homes blue, the brown carheart that scott bought me, the red, the hunting, the brown, and others that are technically Scotts, but I took over. Adn then there are the many jackets and sweaters. I could always use another.
Now days, I could care less what I have on, for the most part. I even have embrased scarves and beanies. Two things I Never wanted on my body. Why.. I think then I felt they made me more noticible with the pink coat so I froze rather than stayed warm. The pink coat started a chain of events that ended in me trying to be cool to the point that I never was warm in the winter.
watching the Goldbergs toniht  reminded me of everything ugly from the 80/90s. Good by and good riddance pink coat. but am thinking the Pea Coat  I just saw on a comercial needs to be the next addition to the family of coats I have...

modest vs inappropriate

I was reading a blog today from a woman who is very angry at the modesty lesson given in primary. The way she described it, I would have been mad too, if for no other reason than it is my job to set the standards of what is and is not modest.

Why? Because it doesn’t match the standards of the time/place/situation. And people in 
those places shouldn’t have to be subjected to it. It isn’t about making that person responsible for our behavior, it is about respecting the people around you, and their right not to be bombarded with that kind of talk.Modesty, I believe, is the same type of behavior, in the sense that it doesn't just affect yourself, but those around you against their will. Sure men could just have more control, but that's not the point here. And if you don't get that, then anything else I could say about this probably won't change. 

We talked about modest and chasity today in adult Sunday school. I am not sure the teacher got across when he was wanting, but the comments were pretty good. and most of them were from women. what does    member of any group when they find that they don't agree with one part of the group, but by and large most things are ok. or even more personal, when one doesn't agree or like a leader (and it doesn't seem to change). 
those that are over zealous do have a place, they are the ones who get the rest of us to do anything. as image though, I have a hard time being about them...

struggling with the little miracles

over the last few months, our stake has asked us to pray for little miracles. I think the little miracles they are asking about are connected to missionary work.
 I am really struggling with this for many reasons. One, having  grown up it the "field" in the deep Bible south, my ideas of missionary work do not match the zealous outreaching of those here in the west where Mormons are in the majority. I really feel one should be delicate when approaching others.  this brings me to, two: that our missionaries are extremely pushy. they asked my student teacher for names, and it seems just out of his hat,  of people they could teach. these missionaries didn't even know the town well enough to know that I, the cooperating teacher, the principal, and everyone at the high school but 4 were lds- they kept asking about us. . the four that are not, three are very strong Catholics who have grown up with us SJ Mormons all their lives. if those people would ever consider changing, it would take a long building relationship. yet,   they kept pushing him to name someone, just anyone.  I am first offended that the missionaries didn't take the time to know of the lds people in town. I am angry to be pushed to name people who have not even been friends with me enough for me to have those kind of conversations with, kobolds be mortified if my name was dropped when calling and trying to get into the doors of my un ready acquaintances.  third, I don't understand the push. fourth, I don't want to be a "bad" Mormon, but i don't want to be a part of the zealous push.
I don't know what to do about this. I want to serve The Lord. I don't want it to seem like I only want to do it when it is convent for me, although that would be nice, but I don't agree  with or understand the push...
 I really don't know,what to do. I am not about to make new friends just for a secret ulterior motive of getting them baptized. I don't make friends well and don't like to,hang out with people, so I would not do it just to get someone to be Mormon. my only solution right now it to pray about what to do for me and my family.  other than that, I gots nothing... except to avoid the missionaries for now.