Can you smile

So sue me, I can't stop thinking about my role and place in our current trials with this house. All other trials seem like a walk in the park in comparison. Every one has trials: small and big in life. They are the roller coaster that makes life interesting. You can't have the good without the bad-I know this to be true and in all things around us you can see how opposites are designed to be the ying and the yang of each other. So there must have been good in our life that I didn't full recognize and the good that will be coming soon.

My question now is: how to I act during the bad, the horrible so that it will be pleasing unto the Lord?  How can I be an example of faith, dedication and peace. I don't want to break down and have a fitful meltdown over this all. I want to believe the Lord has something in store for me bigger and better than I can wish, think, or hope for.

I want to be directed by the Lord in all things related to this trial. I feel like it is a turning point in my life- a moment that will define me, my character, and my relationship with both my husband and my Lord in my future. I feel this will be a point in life that I will look back upon. I want to see the memory with pride and gratitude and not shame and guilt.
 I want to ask  "Why not me- I deserve this opportunity for blessings" rather than "why me- why do I deserve this trial."

I have been urgently desiring to be "that woman" or to be growing into "that woman" . I want to be that sister at church, home, and work who is such a true and real spiritual beacon that even though my life isn't perfect that I am obviously on the right path. I want to be the matriarch in my family that is wise, good, giving, - a quiet leader in faith, peace, and true righteousness. I just didn't know how to get there- still don't really. I know what I don't want to look like, act like, and grow like. I see that in family and acquaintanceships.
While waiting for answers, I watch others I admire and try to be like them; I don't know what else to do. I read good materials both spiritual and temporal.
I practice smiling when it hurts. Today it hurts; the fear that first gripped me made it hard to hear the Lord's comfort as I prayed yesterday for what to do.
I don't know yet what to do; I am sure that this trial with be a big burden of growth and struggle. I am willing to bear it if it means my own growth and that of my hubby. How many people would sacrifice a year or so to get a set of spiritual blessings tailored to their needs. I have decided that I can and want it.

 I can smile, even if it is only a little today.

Do I have the strength for this?

I checked the mail and we got the check and reports from the insurance company. The reports were not totally accurate. In fact in one place the engineer said that we had left the water on for 6 weeks after we had discovered the leak and that is what caused most of the damage... not true so not true. That statement might be why we only got 35k for repairs.
Called the construction guy and he said he couldn't do the repairs for that much and to call the company that gave them the quote.. Funny their name doesn't appear anywhere in the reports.
Also read part of my policy and found that at initial review we only had a year to get a lawyer and that year ended last Friday... what a coincidence.  They have done a good job of dragging their feet. I really thought I was up for fighting the company but I feel like I have no ground to stand out.

Scott was really upset with me when I called him. He said I was so negative about everything. He wouldn't talk to me much about it. It was a day that I felt lost with out my dad. He would listen to all my worries and then find a way to start solving them. It was like Scott couldn't handle my worries on top of his. He was so so so grumpy all night.

Where does this leave us? I dont' know. I called a lawyer anyway and got an appointment for at least an initial review for $150... so I am going to spend the weekend on my knees because there is nothing I can do except trust the Lord and what he knows about our needs.

Can I really battle this house and the insurance company?

Does Disaster come in 3's?

We have been battling  our house for a while. They wouldn't take my calls for like a week and then magically they said they mailed a check on the 9th of September. I know exactly what happened... they didn't want to tell me what was the low amount they wrote and wanted to make sure it got here before they told me they did it. I don't know what the amount was, but I am sure I am not going to like it....

I dont' know what the next step is. I need to call our contractor and possibly  a lawyer...

Then Scott goes down for hay and gets T-boned. Truck totaled. We are so blessed again that we don't feel devastated and are not hindered by the loss. The bad thing is the insurance company is giving us the run around about who's insurance the claim will be processing on. "To speed things up" as they told Scott, they are putting it on our insurance but the girl who caused all the accident is with them too, I totally don't understand why they are doing it that way. I am getting to the bottom of this today. I am pretty sure they are giving Scott the run around.

So now what is next?

When 4.5 weeks can kill you

When you don't turn in tests on time
when you steal tests and try to cheat and get caught
when you forget to do your homework
when you show up to class very late and then have to potty for like 20 minutes
when all of your papers are falling like trails of bread crumbs behind you
when  your mom figures out the computer
when your teacher says "I told you so" in a no sorry sort of smiley voice
When you throw your papers in the trash
when  you just don't care...