bandwagon of ward boundaries

No matter what My opinion of the SJ stake ward boundary changes are, it will never directly affect us as we are the end corner boundary of the stake and will be in this ward for the end of time. 

 They would have to checkerboard the boundaries to ever change us.

 However, I was surprised to count how many households who make up our ward who: never come, have not come in years, or who don't live in SJ anymore.  I don't know what that says about my ward, or what that says about them. 

I can't even guess with any evidence and will keep my opinions about it under wraps as I probably don't know enough anyway.

All I can say is we don't have to be early anymore to get a seat.

Heck, we can sprawl out over a middle row if we wanted.

the other prodigal son, $700, and some cream

I ran to the talks of Elder Holland this week, one  entitled "The Other Prodigal Son". This plus ass lesson #24, really hit me and put to words to a feeling that I have had for 8 years.

 I have felt unwanted/needed and didn't even realize that I  have seen this as "truth" and believed this as truth, but really it is Satan's way to work on me.

I think it is his go to tool to get me and it is my go to tool to beat myself up with.

 Thomas B Marsh's situation was his wife and her friend over cream was the last straw for him of how the members of the Church were thinking, and acting while in Davies county.

 He couldn't deal with the members' way of seeing things, and so with the escalation of who was cheating a pint of cream from the other, they pulled away. 

There for the grace of God go I. I hope I never had my moment of cream fight where I pull away from the continuing influence of Christ and the gospel. 

Why on a Sarturday

3:55 that is what time my eyes opened this morning. I got in late from training, still felt bad about K1 having to walk home from practice, and a little worried that the chickies fared for the day. K1 didn't choose to figure out how to vid chat or even regular chat.

Laid in bed an surfed, waiting to see if K2 would get up for her trip with the Cherios.

she didn't

She also didn't put away groceries or even get her sister on the bus.

I am tired of that kind of behavior. very very tired.

and her dirty room.

 I think I will clean it myself and check on her. I have been feeling uneasy about who she is with and how long she is gone. Also my ipod is missing and my child NOBODY has it.

I wonder if the apron strings are feeling too loose or it is the spirit telling me to check more.

Need to ponder that on the road.
Was going to run but i sit here at 10 finally figuring out my blog, the vid chat, the regular chat, and freezing b/c it feels like Nov.

                           I just heard it thunder. Is that the excuse not to run today>

 I am sitting in my running clothes.

Pondering while Running

Lately I have been running. Not well, not fast, just for me and to be alone.

 I load up the phone with scriptures or inspirational articles and listen while i run. In the summer I can be gone for an hour, do about 5 miles.

 Now with fall and responsibilities coming on, I run about 30 minutes max and hit about 2.5. miles. I have finally found a pace that I can maintain for a while like a mile. I love it. I also love that I can get my time with God in without the littles who are little no more bugging me.

And so it begins... the journey of one mom and one daughter trapped in a room for 140 days

Trapped.

Maybe that isn't the right word as it doesn't explain to outsiders what is going on in my head. There are so many other words . We have a million to choose from I should stretch my vocabulary and try to find the ones that do my worries and concerns justice.

Today is the day I start teaching my daughter. The daughter who i don't understand. The one who has become a stranger to me in the last 4 years. She doesn't trust anyone. She loves nothing, she hopes for nothing. Her face shows nothing. I feel I have caused this.

Trapped with me and I with her.

I don't know if we will do each other more damage. I can see we don't connect. She won't be able to traffic the gray land between mom and teacher.  She will try to play me for her own purposes and then be equally rude and distant. I will watch her face and get mad when she isn't paying attention. and then ignore her to give her space.  She will never open up and tell her thoughts but plays it safe. my beautiful talented girl who worries what others thinks yet  fights the world.

I wish it could be different. Don't know how it can be. There always tomorrow- when school starts.

From the road in windy March

I have a thousand and nothing things to say. That happens when life gets in the way of the pondering. However, today i found that there is a Lincoln fan club, that all his documents and thoughts are being transcribed by volunteers who are fascinated by him. As it is that time in American Literature where we cover his words, I too am drawn to him and his ways.

Do I think that in 100 years from now someone will read my thoughts and receipts, wondering in awe that I paid 1.74 for a fina bean and cheese burrito on their birthday? ha no. Even if there are those who do so for Lincoln.

I would hate that to happen in my lifetime (as I blog inner workings).

To sum up today- I've been thinking about a student and his family-more specifically how and why they are dealing with such a overwhelming trial of physical loss. Even though I know it is the student's trial, I find myself draw to the thoughts of the mother and her trial.

I have started reading articles and a path of study on trial: the why, the because and the how. I am not sure I can even express my thoughts nore want to in a deep way.

https://www.lds.org/prophets-and-apostles/unto-all-the-world/why-do-we-have-trials?lang=eng

I just know that I hope I can learn to be Christ like without facing huge trials.I would like to submit to the Lord's will with trials that are not so hard like Job or Abraham. I doubt that I will get that wish.

HEY HEY Get Jiggy with it!

I don't know him personally. I really like how he comes off in many situations in public, and he cracks me up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6BgU0t-mOg