this morning I have been thinking about being well read, Common Core recommended reading list, the shut down, current events in our history classes and how to live a life the Christ approves of each day.
I think we get our information too fast, too much, too many sources. Anyone these days can report, have an opinion, and not write well, but have followers. See like mine, without the followers part. From the Sandy hook shooting that has so many errors in the various reporting, we cant get a story straight, for example. If I only relied on the news to set my view and my direction, I would be one confused pup. Thankfully, I feel my relationship with the Lord guides and filters all that I read. I feel back on track when I connect and dial in for my day.
the government might or might not shut down today, and the senators are all getting drunk over it. Again, this is out of my control, I have read too much about it from unreliable sources. I teach my students to use in text back up to be successful and these writers spout off any info they want.
I feel worried over electricity, health care, having food/fuel for my family, and so I go to my Lord to sort it out. I can't control any of those items now that my job as a voter is over, my only source for comfort and peace is my higher power.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
looking up
Have you ever just looked up? The kind of looking when you have no reason to as you get out of the car for a moment, or maybe you're doing some random chore outside. I do occasionally. Sometimes it is at night when I am walking back from the barn in the dark. I look up and see an airplane shooting silently across the night sky. I wonder who is in the plane where they are going and wish for a change and to be with them.
Some times I look up at the dying sky and see the clouds rolling across the sunset. Last night was such a night. The clouds looked dark and ominous they seemed to billow almost Voldemort style, black and angry. They were dark and billowy in a way that suggested change or danger. It has been coming even if I am not ready, -2 minutes at a time from my day, slowly creeping into Fall.
The wind this morning even sounds different than that summer breeze that has lingered so far into September. And to think it was so hot Friday.
I don't think I am ready for the change of seasons. I feel unsettled this morning.
The wind this morning even sounds different than that summer breeze that has lingered so far into September. And to think it was so hot Friday.
I don't think I am ready for the change of seasons. I feel unsettled this morning.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Happy birthday Kelsey: time the throw away the binkies.
Kelsey is turning 5 this week. As I am a bad mom, we are not inviting all of her dance class to our house for a party. I am just not a good time manager like that to do work and a party. *sigh...
We have been trying to talk her into throwing away her pacifiers. I could have done it years ago. But Helen made Scott burn his security blanket when he was five and it was such an ordeal- the burning ,i think, not the loss of the blanket- that I want it to be her decision. yet if hate moms like me. who wants a 20 year old to be such ink a binky? well never get rid of her at this rate.
We have been trying to talk her into throwing away her pacifiers. I could have done it years ago. But Helen made Scott burn his security blanket when he was five and it was such an ordeal- the burning ,i think, not the loss of the blanket- that I want it to be her decision. yet if hate moms like me. who wants a 20 year old to be such ink a binky? well never get rid of her at this rate.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Released: Let down or worry
So after 3 years, I was unceremoniously released from what others think as a horrid calling. Not that I disagree totally; I have just decided that the horrid part was making cold calls to sisters. The rest was a piece of cake.
Did I really look overwhelmed and busy? I didn't feel like I was or am. Maybe I just got comfy in the calling; it seems like I had it down pat the last little while. (Or I am delusional, and I was horrid at it)
Other than my attitude that all sisters should be strong, I thought I did a good job. I think many sisters are not strong and I still wonder why. Many are very fragile, I have found.
I watch many sisters spin their wheels, stew in their own problems and wail for others to help them. I probably don't know the amount of sisters that never say a word, because they never showed it.
What was I supposed to learn? It really haunts me that I don't know, I don't know if I learned it or if the Lord just needed a tough bird like me.
I was always worried that my self-sufficient attitude would be the death of my ability to serve in this calling. I still wonder if it is one of the reasons I was released. I worried about it, had conversations with myself, and stewed.Thankfully, I was less depressed than I was about being released from Primary Sec. Then, I felt unwanted, unable to serve and didn't go to church for about 5 months. It was the first calling I had ever had here in SJ, and I felt like everyone was looking at me, knowing I didn't have a calling and wasn't good enough when I got realeased.
Still worried that my talents don't grow in the areas that are needed in our stake or ward. Yet, I will have to have faith that it is enough, cause even if it isn't I am probably not going to change over night... Really don't care much what anyone thinks anyway. My biggest concern is if I learned and grew like the Lord needed me to while I was in this last calling. I can't tell.
One promise I made myself is that when sign up lists go around, I will always sign up for them if for no other reason than I know how it feels to be desperate. I hope I can keep that promise to myself and the Lord.
Other than that promise,
What did I learn? This is a thought meant for more thinking.
Did I really look overwhelmed and busy? I didn't feel like I was or am. Maybe I just got comfy in the calling; it seems like I had it down pat the last little while. (Or I am delusional, and I was horrid at it)
Other than my attitude that all sisters should be strong, I thought I did a good job. I think many sisters are not strong and I still wonder why. Many are very fragile, I have found.
I watch many sisters spin their wheels, stew in their own problems and wail for others to help them. I probably don't know the amount of sisters that never say a word, because they never showed it.
What was I supposed to learn? It really haunts me that I don't know, I don't know if I learned it or if the Lord just needed a tough bird like me.
I was always worried that my self-sufficient attitude would be the death of my ability to serve in this calling. I still wonder if it is one of the reasons I was released. I worried about it, had conversations with myself, and stewed.Thankfully, I was less depressed than I was about being released from Primary Sec. Then, I felt unwanted, unable to serve and didn't go to church for about 5 months. It was the first calling I had ever had here in SJ, and I felt like everyone was looking at me, knowing I didn't have a calling and wasn't good enough when I got realeased.
Still worried that my talents don't grow in the areas that are needed in our stake or ward. Yet, I will have to have faith that it is enough, cause even if it isn't I am probably not going to change over night... Really don't care much what anyone thinks anyway. My biggest concern is if I learned and grew like the Lord needed me to while I was in this last calling. I can't tell.
One promise I made myself is that when sign up lists go around, I will always sign up for them if for no other reason than I know how it feels to be desperate. I hope I can keep that promise to myself and the Lord.
Other than that promise,
What did I learn? This is a thought meant for more thinking.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
You Need To....
IF I never hear those words again I will be happy. I don't really need to do anything but body functions and die. The rest comes with consequences, but sometimes those are worth it.
This is one of my hubby's catch phrases. It is code for and less pleasant than, "will you please do me a favor...".
I am pretty much a sucker for doing someone a favor and really getting little back. I need some back, but I can go a long way on Thank you. NOt a phrase I hear much ether.
I think married people are some of the rudest people on earth. They have lost the art of grace and gratitude. LIke letting themselves go.
I think it starts with being ok to fart or pee in front of the other spouse. Which happened to me like the day we got married. I was shocked and let down a little. I accepted it as part of real life. Now I am not so sure. Should some things not be a free for all in a marriage?
Cause every time I say I don't need to do anything, I get someone who shuts down a little. Common courtesy is too much?
Well, lest I be a hypocrite. I will try to work on it myself this week. I don't think I have a problem being polite, but I might at my own house.
LIke how long do you wait for a kid to do a chore until you get rude about it? 5 minutes is about my limit. Maybe even 1.
This is one of my hubby's catch phrases. It is code for and less pleasant than, "will you please do me a favor...".
I am pretty much a sucker for doing someone a favor and really getting little back. I need some back, but I can go a long way on Thank you. NOt a phrase I hear much ether.
I think married people are some of the rudest people on earth. They have lost the art of grace and gratitude. LIke letting themselves go.
I think it starts with being ok to fart or pee in front of the other spouse. Which happened to me like the day we got married. I was shocked and let down a little. I accepted it as part of real life. Now I am not so sure. Should some things not be a free for all in a marriage?
Cause every time I say I don't need to do anything, I get someone who shuts down a little. Common courtesy is too much?
Well, lest I be a hypocrite. I will try to work on it myself this week. I don't think I have a problem being polite, but I might at my own house.
LIke how long do you wait for a kid to do a chore until you get rude about it? 5 minutes is about my limit. Maybe even 1.
Friday, July 19, 2013
pictures of you In July.
July 2013
we went fishing Saturday to black river. After driving 2 or so hours through white river we came to seven mile tank road. It took 45 minutes to go 4.5 miles. Yet the trip out seemed harder and longer than going in I felt like my insides were bounced and twisted around. I could tell it adjusted me and not in a good way.
So we finally come to the end of the road. IF you could call what were on a road. We had to hike in to and down to the river. We looked aver the edge, it was a goat trail. We looked on. NOthing was better. So we came back to the original goat trail and started down It was a killer on my knees and the hike back up was breath taking. Literally 30 minutes up ad 30 down. I thought I would burn more. Yet my body monitor said it wasn't a vigorous hike. Screw you body media... akkk.
Fishing was good. I actually fished I figured for 15$ I should do something more than read and relax. We traveled up and down the river trying to get fish. I got 2 fish the size of my palms. My first ever. I was glad I didn't get more burned. Yahoo.
About 1/2 up the river we put Kelsey in a tube tied to scott. She sang and relaxed up the river. WE finally came to paradise. IT was beautiful bend in the river. I could have stayed and camped.
all of a sudden scott said "Lets GO" We hiked back up and a considerable faster speed. At one point Kelsey and I got separated from Scott and the kids. I think I started to panic even thought I knew he would find us, THe storm that was fast approaching was reving up my imagination of all those drama movies you see on hallmark.
WE crawled through river weeds and found them for the hike back up. IT was amazing to watch scotts sense of direction in action for we didn't start back in the same wahy we came out.
we went fishing Saturday to black river. After driving 2 or so hours through white river we came to seven mile tank road. It took 45 minutes to go 4.5 miles. Yet the trip out seemed harder and longer than going in I felt like my insides were bounced and twisted around. I could tell it adjusted me and not in a good way.
So we finally come to the end of the road. IF you could call what were on a road. We had to hike in to and down to the river. We looked aver the edge, it was a goat trail. We looked on. NOthing was better. So we came back to the original goat trail and started down It was a killer on my knees and the hike back up was breath taking. Literally 30 minutes up ad 30 down. I thought I would burn more. Yet my body monitor said it wasn't a vigorous hike. Screw you body media... akkk.
Fishing was good. I actually fished I figured for 15$ I should do something more than read and relax. We traveled up and down the river trying to get fish. I got 2 fish the size of my palms. My first ever. I was glad I didn't get more burned. Yahoo.
About 1/2 up the river we put Kelsey in a tube tied to scott. She sang and relaxed up the river. WE finally came to paradise. IT was beautiful bend in the river. I could have stayed and camped.
all of a sudden scott said "Lets GO" We hiked back up and a considerable faster speed. At one point Kelsey and I got separated from Scott and the kids. I think I started to panic even thought I knew he would find us, THe storm that was fast approaching was reving up my imagination of all those drama movies you see on hallmark.
WE crawled through river weeds and found them for the hike back up. IT was amazing to watch scotts sense of direction in action for we didn't start back in the same wahy we came out.
Monday, July 8, 2013
so this is a monday blog and long and doesn't need to be read
I woke to make lunch at 5. It wasn't a great one, but I thought better than nothing. Probably not better than nothing for someone eating it. I thought about making more last night but was too pitiful to do it for reasons I won't mention here.
Decided to work through my pitiful-ness from yesterday. I finally found an article that is not related to me in topic, but related in message http://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/07/to-the-tender-wives-what-i-have-learned-from-my-husbands-addiction-to-pornography?lang=eng
We all have to forgive someone some time for something. And grow stronger. and closer to the spirit. Even when you think you're doing what is right and moving forward there is still rain. A friend told me yesterday that the house on the sand and the house on the rocks both still get rain. I thought I could do without the rain if I watered my own plants so to speak. Like I could control the bad that happens to me if I try to get a jump on it first like in the scriptures when there were nephites that were good because they loved the lord and nephites that were compelled due to circumstances to be good.
I thought that I could get a jump on the rain. I love rain literally, but figuratively not so much. I have prayed for rain literally for my flowers, the area and stuff. But I thought the "watering" I was doing for my spirit: like trying to be more charitable and more focused on the needs of my husband over my own, was enough to stave off the rain and still I could be moving forward.
And I was,
I was feeling so spiritually good, and patience, and understanding for my hubby. I feel enlightened in church.
Yet, rain is always better than watering for flowers I noticed this week.
So will spiritual rain be better for my flowers? I am trying not to see the "mud" today and worrying about dirty carpets. I had a downpour yesterday, now what can I do with this? Stay mad at the mud, or annoyed that there are left over clouds? Then I found this podcast from a comedian who has had a run of bad luck.
I remember 20 years ago a hail storm, a monsoon in life and now I can't remember being that person hardly. I can't even feel the pain of that 2 year long horror show.I am so much stronger now because of it and mostly,usually grateful for it all. I remember some of the worst of it as bad really bad, but it is like watching a film of someone else.
So now, I need to remember that although that was short in respect to my whole life and intense, and this is like a small slow burn.
never give up your faith and never give up your prayers offered for your family. Remember that the Savior is able to heal even the worst maladies, both physical and spiritual. As President Harold B. Lee (1899–1973) taught, “The greatest miracles I see today are not necessarily the healing of sick bodies, but the greatest miracles I see are the healing of sick souls.”1
I can't see the end right now that I think sometimes that it will do no good. But I can't give up cause life is like the tide and it pushes you back and forth in cycles of events. If I don't swim and push back, the tide doesn't just stop. I could let it get to me and let the emotions take over, even to the point of letting my emotions make the situation worse.
I would then be a skill-less swimmer who can't touch bottom, can't see the shore.
I could make it so much worse
I could make it so much better.
Yesterday the thought of forgiving 7x70 came to mind.
I am trying to do so. It helps me to think of that, yet...
I am now left with the thoughts of how to move forward in strength, with boundaries. the daily actions of moving forward are what trip me up. Is it really simple as pray, meditate, read, and experiment? Then rinse and repeat?
I know the Lord can move mountains with his voice, but does this storm prove his love or his lack of worry to my small plight? I want to believe it is for my good. Then my only choice is to act like it is. In the end, I have two choices: deal with it as the spirit guides me, or do it on my own until my own gets too hard and I go back to 1.
Decided to work through my pitiful-ness from yesterday. I finally found an article that is not related to me in topic, but related in message http://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/07/to-the-tender-wives-what-i-have-learned-from-my-husbands-addiction-to-pornography?lang=eng
We all have to forgive someone some time for something. And grow stronger. and closer to the spirit. Even when you think you're doing what is right and moving forward there is still rain. A friend told me yesterday that the house on the sand and the house on the rocks both still get rain. I thought I could do without the rain if I watered my own plants so to speak. Like I could control the bad that happens to me if I try to get a jump on it first like in the scriptures when there were nephites that were good because they loved the lord and nephites that were compelled due to circumstances to be good.
I thought that I could get a jump on the rain. I love rain literally, but figuratively not so much. I have prayed for rain literally for my flowers, the area and stuff. But I thought the "watering" I was doing for my spirit: like trying to be more charitable and more focused on the needs of my husband over my own, was enough to stave off the rain and still I could be moving forward.
And I was,
I was feeling so spiritually good, and patience, and understanding for my hubby. I feel enlightened in church.
Yet, rain is always better than watering for flowers I noticed this week.
So will spiritual rain be better for my flowers? I am trying not to see the "mud" today and worrying about dirty carpets. I had a downpour yesterday, now what can I do with this? Stay mad at the mud, or annoyed that there are left over clouds? Then I found this podcast from a comedian who has had a run of bad luck.
I remember 20 years ago a hail storm, a monsoon in life and now I can't remember being that person hardly. I can't even feel the pain of that 2 year long horror show.I am so much stronger now because of it and mostly,usually grateful for it all. I remember some of the worst of it as bad really bad, but it is like watching a film of someone else.
So now, I need to remember that although that was short in respect to my whole life and intense, and this is like a small slow burn.
never give up your faith and never give up your prayers offered for your family. Remember that the Savior is able to heal even the worst maladies, both physical and spiritual. As President Harold B. Lee (1899–1973) taught, “The greatest miracles I see today are not necessarily the healing of sick bodies, but the greatest miracles I see are the healing of sick souls.”1
I can't see the end right now that I think sometimes that it will do no good. But I can't give up cause life is like the tide and it pushes you back and forth in cycles of events. If I don't swim and push back, the tide doesn't just stop. I could let it get to me and let the emotions take over, even to the point of letting my emotions make the situation worse.
I would then be a skill-less swimmer who can't touch bottom, can't see the shore.
I could make it so much worse
I could make it so much better.
Yesterday the thought of forgiving 7x70 came to mind.
I am trying to do so. It helps me to think of that, yet...
I am now left with the thoughts of how to move forward in strength, with boundaries. the daily actions of moving forward are what trip me up. Is it really simple as pray, meditate, read, and experiment? Then rinse and repeat?
I know the Lord can move mountains with his voice, but does this storm prove his love or his lack of worry to my small plight? I want to believe it is for my good. Then my only choice is to act like it is. In the end, I have two choices: deal with it as the spirit guides me, or do it on my own until my own gets too hard and I go back to 1.
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