Miracles

today I am doing what much of the members of my church are too doing. As. I reviewed my week and month, I pondered on what to focus my sabbath and what to ask that I could improve. I chose to turn on the BYU channel-something I don't do on Sunday. I found a talk by Elder Oaks in 2000 to the students at BYU. of course it was good, always hearing from men who dedicated their lives, but something struck me at the end of his talk. yet as I tried to remember what exactly he said, it was like my brain  was tied. I was going to speak in church, something that is very private, but I couldn't get the words out. I came home and found the same talk and listened again. I truly wanted to remember what he said and apply his message deeper than I have in the past.
 I know what I am about to write wont have the same impact on anyone else as it did to me. however, maybe it will inspire someone to google the talk and find something to apply on their life.
in a side note, I feel impressed to express my gratitude  for technology that has allowed me to listen to this talk 3 times 13 years after it was spoken.

the anti miracle mind set is what elder oaks tied into,his message. that we in the modern world rely too heavily on our own works. I have been doing this a lot to the point where  my obsession is always with me. I think about it all the time and let it dictate where I go because I am unhappy about it. I chose to focus my fast on this obsession and upon slowly changing my thinking.

 miracles happen thought the power of the priesthood and the power of faith. I feel like I struggle with my faith in the area that obesesses me. Little miracles happen each day from the girl who is behind in class and is prompted to catch up before she was called on, to my struggle that doesn't seem to have any success.
it begs the question, then, do I believe on his name enough?

What about the miracles that are not answered. They are not just there for the asking, but some are just not answered. . the will of The Lord is the most important part in receiving a miracle, but there is also faith factor, and the in the Lords time.

I have been praying, but working on my own to,make my desires come to pass. I see it as my job to take care of my body and health and not wait on The Lord to make it happen. miracles  don't convert people and what is spiritual confirmation is a cheap sign and wonder for another. the impact of miracles fades over time. faith  building experiences are what hold us to our belief.  so maybe this is a faith building experience. gag ;)
so do I need to build my faith, do I need to let this go, or am I in a faith building experience as I struggle each day to over come? this is the most hard long term personal thing I haved delt with. most days I feel I am barely hanging on.
elder oaks concludes with that greatest miracle is a mightily change of heart, including  new attitudes, priorities, because all  restorations will happen in the end. the miracle that changes our heart will open the door to the process of  repentance and introduces to the perspective and priorities that will lead us to make eternal life is  the true gift of God. when he puts it like that, I can almost let go my health obsession and allow The Lord to take it in His will and in His time. I will see myself again in a month. I will ponder my progress and change in thinking. if I have to, I will work on having. faith the let God in until I have more mastery over my obsessions than  I do now today.  today the progress is finding Elder Oaks talk and asking for the desire to let go and let God.

Baby boomers and other rainbows

I have decided that baby boomers suck today. My hubby's parents blame his kids why the family is fragmented and take no thought to be the parent to lead and guide. His step mom gets her feelings hurt so easily that I don't know how to fix things. So we don't talk unles she is pretending to be my FIL over text messages. 
My mom didn't even spend Easter with us cause she was busy.  I kept waiting for her to suggest dinner an egg hunt or something but she was too busy fixing a faucet in a house that isn't hers but my brothers second home that He needs to take care of. If she would ever leave things alone, he would grow up and do it.
 My sister had a minor mishap in her marriage again and seems to be smelling like a rose....

My hubby was lured by double overtime

A woman had surgery, its been 2 weeks, and now still wants help even though I saw her at church... Don't judge, don't judge Ginee 

A neighbor did tell me my hideous to me yard looks nice, even though I can't see how, that did give me the strength to keep at it. 
We had fun hiding and hunting eggs and I am so glad I listened to that voice to wait after dinner. Scott was home and made it 10xs more fun. 
I got hubby compliments over dinner.
It's scotts week to drive, yet Aaron came to pick him up thus solving my getting RV problem.
I was getting madder and madder this morning, getting into a full fledged funk as I texted my SIL and my sister. Then I wrote.  But unlike some bloggers, I wrote for me. No sugar coating- as if I know how to be that anyway. I am glad the blogging trend has worn down in our little town. I feel more free to write to a few kindred souls that a woman who is passing time that I don't connect with. 

I wrote and remembered, yea life has goods too.

 So now I can stay miffed  for a while or use these incidents as food for growth. Now or later I still will. I got nothing from Easter services and it was my own fault, I can do the same for conference or not- it's up to me.   I can stay mad at Scott's parents, abandoned by mine, angry with The Lord about my sister , my weight,my house and yard,  my calling or.... Be selfish old lady who complains about every little hardship...  Not. I think I will still have to deal with the root of all these eventually. So now is good. Cape-check- big girl panties- check, The Lord- double check...

I am going to focus on getting to the temple in  prom month, praying about the sisters I serve, family spiritual activities, and complimenting someone each day.
Take that life- ha!t

Other people problems vs my own

I know a woman who struggles without her family close : she complains about every chance she gets on Facebook . After living so long in Texas with no family, it is hard to see what the big deal is.

Another woman is heavy and has health issues but doesn't seem to take care of herself. Our ward signs up to take her meals when it gets really bad, but she lives with two other adults and only has one kid. I wonder what those adults are doing. She is often seen out and about the same day someone signs up to take her meals. I have knelt in prayer begging for help to make sure our animals were taken care of in the dead of winter when my hubs was working an all nighter-no one answered the prayer . So I got out of the snow and dirt wiped my tears and had faith that The Lord would help me help myself.

We moved with no help- two women in our ward with family to help still needed and got help from our ward to move.

My bathroom, living room and yard are still ugly from partial remodel- I can't seem to pray Anything to happen. I am learning patience.

My point in all this is to wonder Again why some struggle alone and other problems seems to be fixed . My husband dropped 350 on a new phone and eventhoughhe has worked so hard and does deserveit hewill not find the time to finish any of my remodel that is left. I wonder what my part in all this should be and why I can't see the answer to do so. I am not bitter much any, more, just confused of how to proceed. To help myself without being so bitter at those who can't. Hence my calling compassionate service coordinator. The Lord really does have a sense of humor.

All you Jesus Freaks, get your cross out!

I see my self as the one who has had a hard cross to bear. As I age I see it as just being the first to carry a cross. Without saying any details, I had two someones call and ask me to swear to help them, but not tell. For the second time into years.
Iam grateful for my trials, my blessings, and my logic that has given me answers to give to others. one of them said that they would do two things over in life that would change everything.  I thought about that. Is there any choice I have mad tha 'twas so horrible that I would now change it? Well, maybe which first house we bought just because it should for more than our first house did. Other than that, I can't think of any bad choices thatiamnitcurrently getting blessed for anyway. God has been good like that in my life.

I am grateful for everything except my weight, my bathroom, and my living room-well and the neighbor-embarrassing landscaping. I texted mr. Darcy that I am grateful. And we are Ina good place- until he found out that I used an old meat saw as a branch cutter cause that is what I thought it was...
 We're still on for a date tonight and he has worked a month with no days off.

Good man.

Spring break

Started off likes bang. I went down in bed at 4 on Friday. I knew I had a stomach thing. I am strong so my two worried were that it would blaze thought the family and that Scott would get it. Luckily neither happened. Scott just got a cold sore. I however couldn't eat for 3days. My legs ached like I had run a marathon and sharp pains with fatigue. By Monday it old myself that some people just live with these types of things, so get up. I was shaky and dizzy, but not feverish. Weird. Cause then on Tuesday , poof! I was fine. Weird right.
 S the rest of the week we have been playing watching movies, going to the park, anything the kids would like to do. Not a fancy spring break like last year, but more enjoyable for this home body.

Rounding the corner into Spring

Can't wait until it gets warmer. I always have the hardest time with March. The electric bill from January is uglier than them all, it is cold, and the school kids arewindingdown.
Just a hard month.

Christmas Cheer

We have had a busy month this December. We went to Vegas and had the Griswald experience getting there. I am glad that I have learned to laugh about it, because we only needed the "missing" dog and the dead grandma to boot.

I came back to a stack of weird papers and odd assignments. I guess I didn't know how to assign assignments with a sub who use to be my student teacher. It was fine, life rolls on. I only had about 3 freshmen fail and 1 senior in the end fail. You can bring a horse to water, but it is illegal to drowned a kid... I couldn't force them to turn in work or critically think, although I will look like I can't teach a kid. The experts will tell you that any underfunded, aged technology, too full classroom with multiple level learners can learn if the teacher is just awesome enough and will be able to teach.

BS So many people have said they can't teach while they are voting for pay cuts or bigger teacher evaluations.

On another note, I am glad it is Christmas break even though I have what seems like an ear infection or not, can tell really.  I got a card from our RSP who told me how much burden I eased with my service.-Service: My weakness- I feel so guilty because I panic and hop around my room each time I have to call our sisters to help serve. I put them all in my place of being too busy and therefore annoyed to help, esp knowing that no one has every helped me in the ways that I need the most  (see older posts about my house) because they can't that is just life and remodeling and lessons.

I can help myself and others who don't help themselves are wimpy.

 See so I am guilty.

No blessing is a blessing when done with a rude heart- and stuff like that.

Yet I try, and I asked her to not release me until I thought I got the hang of that calling.

And another note, septic is slow.... I won't go into details for that. Just know that it calls for being creative with water. It seems like every year I have to be creative with water - be it frozen or running or breaking or leaking.

Water, and blessings, and service, Yeah, that about sums it up for December. :)