This is the text I get from the birthday girl yesterday: "Hey kids when you go to make your mom breakfast how about putting cereal in her favorite bowl, cause she is going to have to clean up after anyway. Cereal is easy. Egg, orange julius and toast is not.
I laughed,I called we talked. Her birthday wasn't really that funny as she was making dinner before all star practice. Moms don't catch a break.
My break has been filled with not wanting to shower or fix my hair, calling a rats nest unbrushed hair in a pony an "up do", hoping the breakfast/lunch in the park keeps my kids fed, reading too much, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to stay in bed, wiping day old mascara from under my eyes and calling it eyeliner and wondering how 3 not fully grown kids make such a big mess and why NO ONE will flush.
What would I do if I stayed home all the time? I am sick of my self already and it is only week 3
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Sunday, June 15, 2014
I got a taste and that was more than enough
Father's day.
Scott worked nights this week and he did Father's day eve.So we let him sleep. Alone-in quiet.
I pondered not going to sacrament meeting today without him, but we did. Alone-again.
We sat somewhere different and I swear the family behind us talked about us. Being sensitive to the day, I didn't know if it was because we "stole" a pew or because our dad wasn't with us. Nevertheless, services started out ok, with a talk on food storage. Surprised, but I was grateful a bit. The kids don't usually pay deep attention to the talks, so I was just happy for me. Then without my notice. the primary kids congregated. At first I couldn't figure out why Wes was crawling over me.
Oh no here we go, I thought.
It was and wasn't as bad as I thought. My kids were unsure who to sing to. Wes' eyes were shiny in the light. I thought he might be upset because Scott wasn't there. Kelsey was clueless. She was in her own world in her purple floaty dress and loves the singing leader so much that she was looking at her all the time with little angel eyes. Kennedy was enjoying not having to sing-smirking at Wes' pain. I felt a burn come on in my throat as I watched them sing for no purpose. Wes finally decided to sing and look at me. I thought we shared a moment of knowing, but women are so much more complicated, that it probably was all in my head.
At the end of services the dads were asked to stick around, it was awkward for us, sitting/standing there with a delay too waiting for nothing. But feeling that if we left we would be rude. No one talked to us or asked us about Scott. It was awkward. During the delay, Kennedys' YW leader asked her to help and a bit later I had Wes help too. It helped the awkwardness of having no purpose to sit there.
I drifted away down the hall, grateful that Scott was only in bed and not gone. IT would take some strength to maneuver that situation each year with grace- grace I don't have currently.
Then I read a post with this scripture: "“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” -Psalms 68:5.
we are not fatherless, yet I believe God takes care of us when Scott can't. I should have remembered this before church to help wes. Wes was singing to a father, his Father in Heaven. I should go see my dad's grave and have a chat today.
Scott worked nights this week and he did Father's day eve.So we let him sleep. Alone-in quiet.
I pondered not going to sacrament meeting today without him, but we did. Alone-again.
We sat somewhere different and I swear the family behind us talked about us. Being sensitive to the day, I didn't know if it was because we "stole" a pew or because our dad wasn't with us. Nevertheless, services started out ok, with a talk on food storage. Surprised, but I was grateful a bit. The kids don't usually pay deep attention to the talks, so I was just happy for me. Then without my notice. the primary kids congregated. At first I couldn't figure out why Wes was crawling over me.
Oh no here we go, I thought.
It was and wasn't as bad as I thought. My kids were unsure who to sing to. Wes' eyes were shiny in the light. I thought he might be upset because Scott wasn't there. Kelsey was clueless. She was in her own world in her purple floaty dress and loves the singing leader so much that she was looking at her all the time with little angel eyes. Kennedy was enjoying not having to sing-smirking at Wes' pain. I felt a burn come on in my throat as I watched them sing for no purpose. Wes finally decided to sing and look at me. I thought we shared a moment of knowing, but women are so much more complicated, that it probably was all in my head.
At the end of services the dads were asked to stick around, it was awkward for us, sitting/standing there with a delay too waiting for nothing. But feeling that if we left we would be rude. No one talked to us or asked us about Scott. It was awkward. During the delay, Kennedys' YW leader asked her to help and a bit later I had Wes help too. It helped the awkwardness of having no purpose to sit there.
I drifted away down the hall, grateful that Scott was only in bed and not gone. IT would take some strength to maneuver that situation each year with grace- grace I don't have currently.
Then I read a post with this scripture: "“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” -Psalms 68:5.
we are not fatherless, yet I believe God takes care of us when Scott can't. I should have remembered this before church to help wes. Wes was singing to a father, his Father in Heaven. I should go see my dad's grave and have a chat today.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Men, me, Priethood, and mommydom
The blessings of the Lord are offered to the Saints and to the world through the ministrations of those who hold his holy priesthood, who represent him, who are in fact his SERVANTS and agents and are willing to serve him and keep his commandments.12
This quote came out of the lesson manual that was one of three that struck me about the Priesthood. In the wave of sisters who are struggling to find themselves and their rightful place in the gospel that also feels right, I am struck with a surety of what I DO feel and DO know.
I know being a mom is THE hands=down toughest job in the world. It is also the best-so I am told. I think for some of us that comes in retrospect.
I think that is why satan makes it seem like the least. Cause anyone can be a mom ... we're born to be one, so it must not be important. I don't know where being born able to do something makes it not worthy to be had. I feel like I serve so much, and sacrifice so much and work on being more like God by being a mom so much, that I don't want to take on any other duty besides the callings I get on the side.
I feel it, know it. that my job as a mother is just as important as that of my husband as he uses the priesthood. I don't feel diminished or less than because I have to ask him to give a blessing to my children. I am the one they naturally go to,need want, and tell things to. My poor husband doesn't get that. He doesn't understand it 1/2 the time. He can't; he isn't a woman. His priesthood serves as a way to better be like God as my motherhood does me.
I can just see it; since I do all the motherhood duties, and if women are allowed to the priesthood, what will my husband have to do? Nothing. Because, many of us have to deal with inequality in our homes and getting more authority doesn't mean the other person will step into the jobs you don't have the time for. They will often either go undone, or women will do more. Since I work out of the home and then go to my home and work, my hubby's job seems to end at the door, that is inequality. Maybe we should be fighting first for men to do 1/2 of motherhood too. Some says that fatherhood and motherhood are equal so priesthood is the bonus we as women don't get- nope. Fatherhood duties have often been seen as optional. where as motherhood duties can't seem to be dismissed by a mother as easily. Fatherhood +the priesthood = motherhood responsibilities. Even then, I am not so sure.
Being a mom is hard...
it only gets harder when you have to defend yourself.
so signing off n the subject 'cause I know what I know.
Good night Gracie
This quote came out of the lesson manual that was one of three that struck me about the Priesthood. In the wave of sisters who are struggling to find themselves and their rightful place in the gospel that also feels right, I am struck with a surety of what I DO feel and DO know.
I know being a mom is THE hands=down toughest job in the world. It is also the best-so I am told. I think for some of us that comes in retrospect.
I think that is why satan makes it seem like the least. Cause anyone can be a mom ... we're born to be one, so it must not be important. I don't know where being born able to do something makes it not worthy to be had. I feel like I serve so much, and sacrifice so much and work on being more like God by being a mom so much, that I don't want to take on any other duty besides the callings I get on the side.
I feel it, know it. that my job as a mother is just as important as that of my husband as he uses the priesthood. I don't feel diminished or less than because I have to ask him to give a blessing to my children. I am the one they naturally go to,need want, and tell things to. My poor husband doesn't get that. He doesn't understand it 1/2 the time. He can't; he isn't a woman. His priesthood serves as a way to better be like God as my motherhood does me.
I can just see it; since I do all the motherhood duties, and if women are allowed to the priesthood, what will my husband have to do? Nothing. Because, many of us have to deal with inequality in our homes and getting more authority doesn't mean the other person will step into the jobs you don't have the time for. They will often either go undone, or women will do more. Since I work out of the home and then go to my home and work, my hubby's job seems to end at the door, that is inequality. Maybe we should be fighting first for men to do 1/2 of motherhood too. Some says that fatherhood and motherhood are equal so priesthood is the bonus we as women don't get- nope. Fatherhood duties have often been seen as optional. where as motherhood duties can't seem to be dismissed by a mother as easily. Fatherhood +the priesthood = motherhood responsibilities. Even then, I am not so sure.
Being a mom is hard...
it only gets harder when you have to defend yourself.
so signing off n the subject 'cause I know what I know.
Good night Gracie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)